Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
