how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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