that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
