i wish there were pregnant emoticons
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
