you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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