he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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