There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
