Your tits are I can't wait for
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
