I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
