Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
