I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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