hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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