My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
