The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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