wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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