u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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