I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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