Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
