At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
