No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
