I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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