For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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