i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
