You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pants are for mortals
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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