anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
