Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
