WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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