Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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