I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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