I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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