We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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