Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
