Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
