Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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