Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
