Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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