I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is wine microwaveable?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
