just tell him i said nine months
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
