Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
