Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
BRING THE BAGELS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
