just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
