I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
