Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
