She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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