i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
