This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
