You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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