I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
