only if we run a train.
done.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
