he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
