someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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