First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
