I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
