Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
