How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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