Please, let me fuck your mom
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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