Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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