And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize