dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
