My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
