Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
