My first STD was from a foam party
too bad you live with your parents still
you traded sex for a burrito?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
