Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
