i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
