If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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