Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
