This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
