And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
