Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
