it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
