During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
